Generation Talk #4: BW and BM

Generation Talk #4: BW (Age 93) and BM (Age 67)

On June 11th, 2025, I sat down with Beverly White (BW) and Brenda McCroskey (BM) to have a conversation about their experiences being both loving mothers (and grandmothers/great-grandmothers!) as well as powerful women in the workplace.

Tell us about your background.

BW: I’m Beverly White, and I am 93 years old. I grew up in Ohio, went to Ohio State University, and got a bachelor’s degree in education. I was planning to go back to Ohio and teach. But then, I heard from my sorority sister that the superintendent from Downey, California was looking for teachers. There was a big shortage of teachers in the 1950s! I decided to go there to teach, and I never went back! I fell in love with California. I’ve also been a realtor for 47 years! I started a company in Cameo Shores and worked for Lusk Realty, who built many Spyglass homes. I have three children. BM is my daughter. She eventually joined my company, and within a few years, she soared to the top! COMPASS invited her to join their company. I love art, music, and tap-dancing. I like performing, especially in front of people. I also love traveling—I’ve been to 82 countries! My husband was a member of Rotary in Los Angeles, so we traveled throughout the world. But out of all these things, the greatest joy in my life is being a mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. I have two great-grandchildren, and another one is due in August! I’m so blessed with the family that I have.

BM: I’m Brenda McCroskey, and I’m 67 years old. I love traveling, good food, and good wine. We used to go to a lot of music concerts, too—for example, Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald. I have one daughter, and she has a two-and-a-half-year-old son. He’s the best thing in the whole world! I grew up in Downey and went to Downey high school. I graduated from UC Irvine and went into social work. I was working with at-risk teens, teenage mothers, gang members, sex workers, that type of thing. I loved it, but after about seven to eight years, I totally burned out. Then, I got into the travel business. I made no money at all, but it was fun! When my daughter was going off to college, I was about 50. I decided to be a realtor, even though I never thought that I’d be one! This was because I grew up watching my mother as a realtor, and she was always so busy, always on the phone. I joined my mother’s team and was mentored by the very best. I think the basis for my success is that my mother had a lot of people that respected her, and they passed that graciousness onto me. I’m so grateful for that. I’ve been a realtor for 17 years now, and I’ve loved it!

What does a good parent-child relationship look like? What defines a good parent? What defines a good child?

BW: I think a good parent-child relationship is one of trust, respect, and understanding of each other. Parents obviously must love their children a lot from the very start. In my life, being a parent has just been an absolute joy. I cannot imagine not being a parent. As for a good child—well, I must say that my children have had good times and bad times. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster! But they all ended up on their feet, and they have all turned out to be very successful.

BM: I think you’re right—the key to a good parent-child relationship is openness and honesty. Parents should give good guidance, instill good morals, be positive, and be supportive. For a good child—it’s kind of hard to define what that is, and it really depends on who you’re asking. Is that a child who’s really expanding their wings, flying, and experimenting (I don’t mean drugs or anything), but trying things that may scare you as a parent? Or is it a child that’s just at home and with you all the time? Personally, I think a good child is really a combination between the two. You definitely want your children to be obedient but also have some sense of adventure.

What is your biggest mistake or regret as a parent?

BW: This is a tough question. I guess one thing I can think of that I struggled handling is that I had a rough time with your sister, BM. And that was difficult. But we sought help, therapy, and we got through it. And she’s landed on her feet and turned out to be a wonderful daughter and a wonderful parent.

BM: What I admire so much about my daughter is that she’s been very present as a parent. Ever since their two-year-old was born, she and her husband have been very present with him, even though they’re both working and have busy lives. They include him in everything. But when my daughter was born, I just remember being very stressed out all the time and worrying about doing the wrong thing. I was not nearly as present at the moment. I just wish I would have been more relaxed as a young parent.

BW: I’d like to add to that. I see my grandchildren handling their children, and I notice that they are so hands-on! When they go out to eat, they bring learning items with them so that their children are constantly learning. I’ve got to admit, when my children were born, they just kind of grew up. I don’t remember having that kind of hands-on parenting!

BM: Yes, parents are very hands-on these days. BW, I’d say that both our generations have had very similar parenting, but I think that my daughter’s generation has totally flipped it. I don’t know why they’re so hands-on now. Maybe it’s because they have a lot more information about parenting. All we had back then was Dr. Spock’s book. We had no idea; I was on the Hoag helpline 24 hours a day. They were probably so sick of me. But in my daughter’s generation (she’s 34), parents are much more relaxed and are much better than we were, in my opinion.

BW: Oh, absolutely!

What is one piece of parenting advice you want to give to the other person?

BW: BM, I’d say that your daughter was a very bright child. But being an only child, I believe she was spoiled a lot. She has landed on her feet and has turned out to be a terrific person, but as an only child, I think she did get away with a lot more than she would have if she were in a larger family. But she has turned out to be a wonderful woman, so I don’t think it did too much harm!

BM: I can’t really think of any advice. Maybe just to relax and not let everyone stress you out about parenting!

If you didn’t become a mother, what do you think your life would be like?

BW: I can’t conceive it! I absolutely cannot. Being a mother is my life. There are people I know that don’t have children, and I feel for them. I feel that they are missing out on so much by not having a family. I can’t imagine not being a mother.

BM: I have no idea, either. I think I’d probably be a lot more self-involved if I wasn’t a mother. My husband and I would travel more and be more focused on our own lives.

What have you learned from your children/grandchildren?

BM: I’ve just had more experience in dealing with different people. I’ve learned that you can’t expect everyone to behave the way you want them to. You can’t control everything. I’ve also learned how to appreciate people and their differences. I think it’s just made me a more broad-minded person. What about you, BW? What have you learned from me?

BW: Haha, well, I have learned so much. I got a peek into a world that I would not have had if I didn’t have children. I think having children makes you think of other people, not just yourself all the time. You know, my friends that don’t have children have not had the crises that we have had.

BM: Yes, their lives have been a lot calmer!

BW: Exactly. And their lives are all about them. They’re wonderful people, but not having the experience of children just makes for a very different person.

You are both mothers and have had careers throughout your lives. “Working mom guilt” is a big issue in society today where working mothers feel guilty for choosing to pursue their careers and not having as much time to spend with their children. Did you ever feel this way?

BW: I will say Amen to that! During my teaching job, I remember standing in line at the grocery store. I had runs in my stockings. I started feeling like I wanted to choose another career. When I was telling the principal that I was quitting, she said to me, “I cannot understand why women who have children spend the best part of their day with other peoples’ children.” I thought that was really interesting. Even after I switched to being a realtor, I still had working mom guilt. I was on the phone a lot. Being a realtor back then was nothing like it is today. But I was being interrupted at meals. I would plan to do something with my family, and then I would have to cancel it because something real estate-related came up. That was before iPhones. Now, my daughter is absolutely glued to her iPhone as a realtor, and that just makes balancing this career even harder.

BM: I didn’t really have working mom guilt because I just had my own travel company when my daughter was little, and it was a flexible job. It wasn’t like I had to leave the house a lot. When my daughter was leaving for college, she told me to get a life and find my own interest in something! So I became a realtor. Now, instead of telling me to get a life, she tells me that I’m never around and that I’m always on the phone. I have more working grandma guilt than working mom guilt. It’s true, because I have to work 24/7, even when we’re traveling. But I’m still very grateful to have this job.

How do you deal with that guilt?

BM: I try to be present a lot more when I can. I think that my grandson has grounded me a lot. He’s a small child that needs all of your attention. I babysit him twice a week and try to focus on him. But he’s very good. I’ll ask him sometimes if I can take a call, and he understands!

If you could go back in time, would you have chosen to sacrifice pursuing a career in order to spend more time with your children?

BW: Yes, I think I would. If it were a perfect world, I would have chosen to spend more time with my children. But it’s not a perfect world.

BM: No, it’s not. For me it’s different, because I was around when my daughter was little. But now, I think I still want my career. It gives me more balance, and I don’t know what I would be doing otherwise. I’d probably drive my daughter and her husband crazy if I was asking to babysit my grandson every day! My work makes me a more interesting person. I think finding a good balance is important for women, I really do. We need to keep our minds going and use our education. We have to be good role models for our daughters and our granddaughters.

BW: Yes, and you found your daughter’s house for her, didn’t you?

BM: I did! So there are good things that come out of my career! And you found this house for us!

BW: Wow, that’s true!

BM: BW worked with John Lusk and sold a lot of the original houses here [in Spyglass Hill]. Isn’t that amazing?

BW: It is…

BM: We really came full circle!

Do you consider yourself a strict parent or a more hands-off parent? Which parenting style do you think is better?

BW: I definitely was a more hands-off parent. There is certainly a happy medium. You can’t be overly strict. There’s a blend. There are some things I should have been stricter about. However, I do know a family where the father was so strict that it completely restricted the children. This strictness was passed onto the children, and they had to consciously force themselves to try to be softer parents. They would have been so much better off if it weren’t for that really strict father.

BM: Keep in mind, there was physical punishment back then. We got spanked!

BW: Yes, that was a generation thing. I remember I only got spanked once.

BM: Wow, I wish I could say the same… I had to eat ivory soap for saying a cuss word once!

BW: Wow, times have changed!

BM: Yes, they have! I was definitely a more lenient parent. I have patience. I see parents that are overly strict, and I don’t think it’s fair to the children. I don’t like how some children feel that the family is so rigid that if they’re anything other than what they’re expected to be, they’re not going to be loved or accepted or respected as much. That’s really sad. But yes, there is a fine line. There are times when I should have been more discipline oriented. And it depends on the kid, too. Some kids do need parents to be stricter with them.

Many women get college degrees and end up becoming full-time mothers with no “real” jobs. Some people claim that these women wasted their education. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

BW: Oh, I absolutely disagree. These skills that you learn in school and in college apply to every bit of your life. You can certainly experience the fruits of having an education wherever you go and whatever you decide to do or become.

BM: The only instance that I would think was a waste is if they took that space and that opportunity for an education from someone who really needed it and would have actually used it in their job. Let’s say there were two applicants for college, and there was only one space. One person was going to take that education and not use it, but the other person was going to take that education and use it through a profession. I would disagree if it were given to the person that was not going to be using their education. I would see that as a wasted opportunity. But in general, your college education just makes you a more well-rounded person and a more critical thinker. People really need to be critical thinkers, especially in a time like now. In college, you also learn to work with different people, and you learn how to live on your own. These skills help make you a better parent, regardless of whether you have a job or not. College education just makes you a much better-rounded person no matter what.

Thank you to Beverly White (BW) and Brenda McCroskey (BM) for such an engaging and thoughtful conversation! You are both very inspiring people.

(This conversation has been edited for clarity.)